I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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