I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
