Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
