Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize