Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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