Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
