Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
