When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
