He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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