My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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