im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are two peas in an std pod
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
