I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Porn is love you can see.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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