the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm both gender and math confused
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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