i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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