By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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