So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
