nut hugger
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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