my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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