Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
