you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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