Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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