Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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