yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
