Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
