Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
