why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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