if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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