so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
