no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
