there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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