I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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