"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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