stop calling my apartment porn island.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
