Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need moral support for this bender
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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