I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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