when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
