Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
