Is it because I queefed?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize