YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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