just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
