tell your sister to shave her snatch
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize