I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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