It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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