Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
