Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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