I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
