addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
