I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
