Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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