margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
