Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
