Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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