We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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