Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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