Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize