Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
