she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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