I CAN MOONWALK!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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