If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
