im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
