Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize