ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As shirtless as possible
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
