He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
