I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
