I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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