Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
