You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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